once again i was sitting at the table i had been killing myself at every day for the better part of 07 .......there were no more after parties, no hot water, no phone, no internet, no girl, no job, no friends.....no god
when i first decided to drink again months before the curse of 1850 had shown me what it could really do. life was prety fuckin good. cahuenga was booming, the drink and drug were basically free, and i was a happy coke filled drunk most of the week. i would take days off here and there to replenish the color in my face, but soon repeated the pale drive that hollywood offers us on a nightly basis. soon after the pills had run there course gently through my body i was slipped a cell phone number that would be the end of all ends for me....
prior to this i was dabbling with the steel horse and some coke here and there. but nothing to really concern myself with, or anyone else for that matter. but the day i called the matadors and jumped into the back seat of there chariot would be day i would never forget. and repeat numerous times on a daily basis to assure my remebrance.... (sorry red bull makes me think i actually know the definition of half the words im using)...anyway....it wasn't to long before i was making my last dope run in 96 look like a walk through central park on a saturday afternoon in the early 50's. me and a friend were selling everything we owned, borrowing from everyone we could, and getting fronted every day..we hustled our asses off to keep our heads above water every miserable day we were forced to wake up. as the months went by my habit grew and my status in hollywood shrank to nothing. everyone stopped coming over which was the only way i was able to be reached aside from me checking email at my neighbors once a day. i would use there phone to call the matadors at least 5 times a day. everything that had power in my house or strings on a fretboard was now the property of elliott salters.
the smell of the little green chariot was so familiar to me that if i smelled it now i would probably shit right here on the carpet...just thinking about it makes my stomache a little knotty. my girlfriend who had been hanging on by a thread had given up and started dating someone else. this is what put me over the edge. i remember reading the last email she sent telling me that she was done. i walked back up to my misery and began throwing everything that wasn't at the pawn shop against the wall while tears streamed down my face...i was done and i knew it. unfortunately at that time in my life there was only one way out for me. so i loaded a syringe with 2 balloons of heroin and a shitload of coke, sat at that fucking table once again, and hoped that this would be the last time i stuck a needle in my arm. i woke up half on the bed and half on the floor with blood coming out of my nose, sweat pouring into my eyes, and my hands and heart shaking uncontrollably. the fan still running but knocked on the floor, and my nieghbor standing at my door with a completely freaked out look on his face...i couldn't believe i was still alive....i shouldn't have put the coke in my spoon......
i started sobbing uncontrollably. it felt like the moans coming from my throat were echoing into the open windows of buildings blocks away. i looked up from a noise at the door and saw ash in a blurred teary eyed vision at my door. i had just posted a completely irate bulletin about the situation but there was no way she could have seen it and gotten to my apartment so fast. she told me she was going to europe for 2 years and we were done. i was almost chanting "you cant leave me" over and over while tears streamed down my face. i jumped up and started to fill the spoon again, popping a few of mommies little helpers to get the motor running a little faster. my spirit for suicide intensified greatly at that moment, i couldn't wait to fill my last syringe with my fate. as i melted my last balloon she got on her phone and walked outside. i took everything i had left into the bathroom and locked the door. she came back in frantically pounding and kicking at the door as i sat naked on the toilet jabbing myself vien unfriendly....
after i had opened the door a few times to show her i was just "taking a shit" the fire department showed up...it was taking forever to find the bloodline that would send me to another dimension. gently the young studly men in blue called my name and knocked on the door as blood poured from every hole i made in that 15 minutes...i would open the door a crack and tell them i would be right out. only to close it again and start jabbing myself. finally after 30 or so failed attempts at a connection, i just stuck the needle in my arm and pushed the plunger down. there was so much shit in the needle that i almost broke the plunget trying to get it all in there. the rest of the trip is pretty much a blur. i remember being carried out on a stretcher, and the hot fire dicks hitting on my girlfriend as they carried me out. she says they thought i was her brother. then she told me as they were closing the ambulance doors that i asked her...."baby...will you go get my cigarettes??".....i heard one of them say "he's going out" and when i woke up......
i thought i woke up in the alhambra psych ward. until i started getting bills from hollywood pesbyterian and ash told me thats where they brought me. i have absolutely no recollection of being brought back to life. there was no shocking awareness from the narcan, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel before they hit me with paddles. i only know this happened from nurses telling me and the life support/transportation bill i just got from the hospital. (it costs 900 dollars to get brought back in an ambulance in case you were wondering).
i woke up in a white room strapped to a gernee with a big white tube sticking out of the head of my peehole. the lighting was equivalant to that of a cosco or an AM/PM . there was a giant black man dressed all in white as well standing over me. he sounded like the mouseman from the green mile when he said...."you lucky to be alive little man...they brought you back twice". i looked him dead in the eye and said "get this tube out of my dick i have to go home".....even after all that i still wasn't done trying to die. after a slight chuckle followed by a very dissapointing fatherly stare he ill informed me of my 36 hour suicide watch. that was when they transported me to alhambra psych ward. that whole experience was a brown out. i come to here and there but basically all i remember is staring at the clock waiting to go home and shoot dope....ash told me she came to see me and they let her give me a cupcake that her daughter had for me. but all i kept doing was asking her to use her phone so i could call my neighbor...i have no idea why i needed to call him so bad....i remember taking a tray from the "hospital lunch rack" i kinda remember the crazy guy in the bed next to me moaning....and i definately remember making them call a cab for me 5 minutes before my suicide watch time was up......
---this is ashlie's recollection of the some of the things i cant remember in her own words----
I found jason face down on his bed crying.. asking me why? why did i have to leave him. I looked around and saw that he had destroyed his apartment. I had no idea what he was trying to do I hadnt talked to him in over two weeks and was worried about him. I had a gut feeling that things were not ok, so i went by his house and found the worst situation one can find. We talked for a little bit and i realized that he was going to try and kill himself again. so, I called puppy freaking out not knowing what to do. I called the cops and they showed up. Jason fooled all the dumb ass fireman into thinking he was taking a shit. I kept telling them he was getting high but they didnt believe me. They started pulling shit off the walls and taking needles from every single corner in the apt. They put him in the ambulance and all he kept saying was he loved me and wanted me to go get his damn hat and cigs... WTF???? so they took him to the er and i stayed on the phone with the nurse begging her to not let him go. puppy convinced jason to tell the doctor he was trying to kill himself because they were going to release im if you can believe that.. they put him on suicide watch and transferred him to alahambra. he was there for three days. He refused to release any information to anyone but me which made some of his friends irate. Puppy was there when i couldnt be because of my kid. I went to see him while there despite what everyone said. He kept yelling at the nurse to let him leave with me. I brought him a cupcake and some notebooks to write. I called his mother and sister and talked to them about sending him home. jason is a hard headed s.o.b. so talking him into anything much less moving to the woods it took him almost losing his life actually...losing his life and being brought back...to change but i thank god it was almost...... this world wouldnt be the same without that fucker.
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