The dusty old heater dries the blood in my nose, caking it to the sidewalls like a slug on a window. I would normally pick it out, but it just rained in Los Angeles. The smell of discarded dog shit, bum sperm, and party-girl vomit rises off the streets like a fucking helicopter, resting high in the air, just long enough to wrap around the center of my face. A clear passage would surely make me vomit after the night I had, so today I am grateful that I can't breathe because of shitty cocaine. The sunglass arms resting behind the tops of my ears aren't pressing to hard, but they are still giving me a headache. I don't dare take them off though, not only am I afraid you will see right through me, my eyes wouldn't be able to bare the sun for more than 5 seconds before turning to a pile of ash, falling onto a red velvet cupcake wrapper. My mouth is full of sand, and every sip off this Arizona plum, ginseng tea bottle feels like tiny shards of glass flailing around my esophagus like the red spiders in a game of Tempest.
A beautiful redhead wearing a tiny white dress, covered in black polka dots walks by me. Her scent isn't a cheap Victorias Secret body spray... it's expensive. Her well manicured toes creep out of her strapless red shoes just enough for me to figure out that she has a well kept vagina, probably with a tiny little strip of hair just above her perfectly tucked lips. I'm so blown out from the night before that not even a droplet of blood seeps into my dick, so I store her in the memory bank for later that evening... when I might be able to get hard and have a fantasy or two for a change. As much as I would have loved to chase her down the street and say something witty, and completely out of the ordinary, something she never heard before to spark her interest in my dumb ass, I just wasn't interested.
I should take some pills, they always make the hangover a lot less painful. I walk down Hollywood blvd, trying not to shit my pants as herds of persian store owners soaked in shitty sweater cologne burn the hair off my face, stinging right past my heart. Making the noises from my stomach sound like two pitbulls trying to fuck a decomposing gorilla on a broken down fence.
It's not really a bad day, I mean I have had way worse. It was just the kind of day where you don't turn your head to fast, and try not to let anyone smell your breath.
I wanted to die. I swear to fucking God I wanted to die, but I was worried that I might miss a threesome from these two porn chicks that were supposed to call later that night. They called, came over, borrowed my car after they fucked me, and got it impounded. They took a cab to come fuck me, and I wanted them out of the house before they even got there. So when I came in both there mouths at the same time and made them kiss each other, the only thing I could think of to do after that... was give two 18 year old porn chicks with no license and a purse full of vicoden my car. I wanted them to shut the fuck up so bad that I couldn't even wait 10 minutes for a cab to get them the fuck out. They did cure my hangover though, not from the sex... from the pills. I got the warm fuzzies in my nose and my cheeks got all warm. The fact that my car was gone didn't really matter at that moment, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and chainsmoke in my stink, while watching the only dvd I hadn't pawned. I can recite that fucking movie to you line for line. I haven't watched it since.....
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