The garbage can effect...

The only time real creators are able to truly dig deep into the soulcraft is when they are in the most morbid, depressing, or heartbroken time of their lives. Hitting the trifecta with all of the above usually makes for a journal or a song, sometimes even an entire album that can bring the reader or listener to tears. Ripping open the soul and setting free a spirit that they never knew existed. I have been deeply inspired by many an album written from the most broken of hearts and from the sickest of junkies.

I will sit in my self hatred just long enough for me to release it through a song or journal. I don't really know I'm doing it, until something comes out of me that is so strong it affects everyone that touches it. I don't ever want to be happy for fear of me losing that creative side. Like when Aerosmith or Metallica got sober, it just put a total bummer on anything written through the hands of people just stoked not to be trapped in purgatory. I prefer my music dark and painful. When I read something I actually want to feel the pain of someones heart getting ripped out, or a needle piercing the skin causing a rush of lunacy, ending with the greatest orgasm known to man. When I am in a good place I rarely write, and I never play my instruments. That stuff has always been used to release the demons onto the ceiling of my room, so I can watch them float around as I lay there awake until the sun comes up, because my head is so damaged from all the things I have done it makes it impossible to sleep. I think that's why most great artists commit suicide or overdose, and the ones who live through their own private Idaho should just stop making art. If you made yourself the greatest cheeseburger in the world when you were drunk, chances are it won't taste remotely as good when you are sober. I hope to one day find the balance between good and evil, where I don't have to wait until I want to blow my head off before I am happy with what I have created. Hoping a good story or a song will temporarily take that pain away. I don't want to be a broke, tortured artist... That just seems to be the way I worked my life out for itself. The disgusting beauty of it all is that the artist himself will think everything he does is shit, no matter who tells him how amazing it is.