Total nonsense......

Sitting in the basement of studio 1 in Newark NJ waiting to open up for Mucky Pup. I was in a band called I.D.K. (I Don't Know). Mucky Pup was a pretty big local act at that time, i'm pretty sure they were huge in Germany as well. A few of the members of that band later went on to form Dog Eat Dog when they all got thrown out for drinking or whatever. I was brand new in the band and we had a pretty big following ourselves so the place was sold out. I had honestly thought that I'd arrived as a musician. A friend of ours from a few local bands was the new guitar player in Mucky Pup, I remember thinking he had made it. Sitting at the table across from me putting names on the guest list, getting ready for a European tour. I wanted that so bad at the time i could taste it. I wore stupid clothes and walked around like an asshole. I was drinking rather heavily and felt superior to most anyone I came in contact with because I was in this band. Sitting in the dressing room was a huge deal to me, I had never experienced that before. People gazing in as they walked past to get to the main room where we were playing. The sound of a few hundred emo/punk North Jersey kids muttering what a great show this was going to be one floor above us getting ready to dance their asses off when we hit the stage. I wasn't nervous, i was excited. I was finally going to get to play in front of a packed house. Before that i was in a progressive thrash band that was rather amazing, but would only play to about 20 or 30 of our friends anytime we played anywhere. Plus I had only been playing about a year or so so I was still worrying about things like my hands cramping up and what I looked like as a performer.

I didn't quite have a grasp on the whole passion thing yet, I was only playing to get free beer, bang chicks, and be able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Total welcome to the jungle attitude. I didn't understand that music was art, and being on stage was performance art. Drawing whoever was watching into your soul and making them feel what you feel. After a few shows with I.D.K. it was a mutual decision that i leave the band, honestly they were glad to get rid of me. I was a decent bass player and was a total goof off on stage so I fit the bill. But I started going to a lot of New York Hard Core shows and was being heavily influenced by bands like Merauder, Sick Of It All and Biohazard. So the pop punk that IDK was playing just made me feel like a total fag and I thought people would make fun of me. I quit and rejoined with Onceover, my progressive thrash band. They were following in the same realm of Pantera and that shit had just exploded everywhere onto the scene. All I wanted to do was be cool, look cool, have kids tell me how awesome my band was, and fit in to whatever was the hardest scene available to me. I was a punk... Not like Punk Rock, more like a Punk Ass.... It wasn't till years later that i started coming into my own, playing whatever i wanted to play. Listening to whatever i wanted to listen to and not giving a fuck about what people were going to think of me. I would open the windows and blare Slayer so people thought I was "metal", but behind closed windows and locked doors I was playing shit like Autograph and Dokken. Don't get me wrong I am all about Slayer and shit... And listening to any of that hair metal now makes my skin crawl. I just wish I had always been the way I am now. I will sing the fuck out of some Sarah smiles by Hall & Oates and not give a fuck what my neighbors think.....