bruce willis...please press the button already

missing home a tad today.
frustration at the mall trying to find out why the computer just likes to shut down while im in the middle of a story, frustration at the att&t store standing there for an hour staring at the guy holding my phone for an hour....doing the shit i was doing at the house. yes douchebag...i took the fucking battery out already, ITS THE ONLY THING I KNOW HOW TO DO WHEN THE PHONE FUCKS UP. the internet on my dingleberry hasnt worked in 4 or 5 days. so no bbm's, no facebook, no aim....no connection with anyone back home really. it's not like i actually dial the fucking phone and call people on it....who does that anymore anyway?
my plan could literally have 100 mintues a month and i doubt i would use them. but i will send 5,000 texts of some sort a day. and thank god they cant open your picture messages. >:)
then after sitting in the phone store for an hour while he was on the phone with the death star he hung up, looked at me and said........."they said its a problem with one of the antennas and it should be fixed in a day or so"......i nearly lost my shit. what do i look new to this fucking guy? you think i havent fucked a hot girl that worked in a phone store before? i know this game better than he does. so after i sternly correct him and tell him no...thats not the fucking problem. you dont know what the problem is......i want a new phone. so tomorrow i get to go back and get a new phone...unfortunately in a fit of rage after i found out i couldnt back up my phone on my laptop because the software i have on it might as well be cooking brontosaurus burgers, i wiped the phone clean in a hard something or other...i forgot what the "other guy" at the phone store called it, but he said that if i do that then the phone will probably work. so now i need to get EVERYONES info back into my phone. its funny...when i put up on facebook that i need everyones contact info back, the only people besides a couple that gave me their info were people i never fucking talk to...ever.....like 4 people i talk to on a regular basis gave me what i need.....eh...whatever ill get it back. its not like im in a crisis, nor do i plan to be anytime soon....im in iowa for christ sake. the most dramatic thing going on here right now is that my sister brenna and my niece october are in vegas right now and i fucking miss them.....
other than that its nothing a trip to supertarget wont cure...god i fucking love that place.
i might go tomorrow.....i been diving into some pretty gnarley writing and its making me feel uncomfortable. but not bad enough to stop writing it....i am actually kinda turning it around and getting off on it. i have never dug this shit up like this before...sure i've done 4th steps and whatnot, but nothing this in depth and detailed....im reliving every funny, painful, and mortifyingly shameful moment i can remember...and i remember a lot. you would think i wouldnt remember shit, but most of my blackouts have come back to me in great detail over time.
i take these feelings i am going through and look at it like the last time i kicked heroin...i kicked on my moms couch for seven weeks, with my little sister taking care of me while my 1 year old nephew (who is now fucking four! jesus...) waddling around the house giving me the love and hope i didnt have. i sat on that couch for what felt like years every night, in the worst pain of my life...knowing that it would be over one day. it was a feeling i rarely had in my previous attempts to stop. i was licked...i knew i didnt have the hustle it took to stay under the table anymore. i had no choice....so every bonechilling night i sat there praying, telling myself its not going to last forever, and embracing the pain knowing if i chose to...i would never ever have to feel this way again.
now that i think about it these feelings aint shit compared to that.so fuck it.....i miss my friends...even though i dont ever really see them when im home anyway anymore. my phone doesnt ring or buzz barely ever unless i send something out. it seems my only contact with people anymore are the comments i get under my facebook headlines....its a sad existence when all you have to look forward to is what im going to write.....the even sadder existence than that is me....the one writing for your comments. thank god its all temporary, and in a year who's gonna give a shit anyway right? i cant wait till we resort back to caveman times when we come full circle....and im sitting where swingers used to be with paulie, cyrus, and ray sparking up two rocks to grill up some rat we just caught running down beverly.........at least then i wont have to worry if the cute waitress wants to fuck me or not. ill just club that bee sting over the head with a stick and drag her to the nearest pile of burnt out cars. im pretty sure i better stop here...thisa can only go more downhill then it already has.........