Happy New Year?

It's a new year. A time of reflection for most. Reflection on everything that I could have done to make this upcoming year a little easier, reflection on what I did do to make it a lot harder. I'm a guy with dreams, dreams of successfully sitting on a barstool burning my throat with a warm glass of mashed whiskey, a dream of never getting fat or going bald, a dream of everything coming out of my mouth being earth shatteringly funny. Dreams of actually meaning it when i tell a girl I love her and that she is the best fuck I ever had. Dreams of driving around town in a car that I actually paid for, and not having to borrow money for rent or eat off a gift card I got for Christmas. Dreams of living in a world where I am appreciated and not tolerated.
A dream of actually seizing a day instead of wishing for it to be over, hoping the next one will be better. Believing what comes out of my mouth when and if I pray to whatever it is that is supposed to make my life easier from doing it. Wishing health and prosperity on people instead of death and failure. Turning "it" over completely and trying a new way of life instead of waiting for a pot of gold to drop out of the sky. The way my life goes, when the pot is finally dropped it will land on my head cracking open my skull rendering me brain dead so I couldn't enjoy it.
Smashing the glass off the table instead of wondering if it is half full or half empty. Opening a curtain and letting in the sunlight instead of stapling it to the wall so no light ever enters the room.
Forgiving my father for being such a deadbeat piece of shit my entire life, giving another family all of his good qualities leaving me only with his alcoholism and assholic tendencies. Taking deep breaths before I make a snap judgment on someone because of a pair of shoes or a hairstyle. Letting people be who they are instead of chastising them for not being up to my standards.... Thinking I am a talentless waste of space and not good enough for anyone or anything.
This all changes in this new year.... Starting with my license. And a real job. My self hatred grows from what I think others think about me, when really it is none of my business... I never cared before, why the fuck should i care now. This ends today