The meat went bad......

A hundred showers in the hottest water wont wash it off… A million bristles on a toothbrush wont remove the stench. You are the rape victim sitting on the floor of the shower as scolding water runs over the immoral compass under your scalp, constantly guiding you to this place of absolute shame…… The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable sticks to the inside of your skin. You stare into the funhouse mirror, as dancing evil clowns fang at the back of your neck, swarming like a grounded nest of yellow jackets irritated by the blades of a rusty lawn mower. So embarrassing that you don’t speak a word not even to your sickest of friends.

You wished you were different. You wished it never happened. It will happen again….

You will happen again….

Your brain floats around your skull like oyster crackers softened by what feels like a hot can of tomato soup. It pours out of your eyes onto your lips, tasting so sweet and tangy that you run your tongue over your lips, wishing it didn’t taste so good. Knowing the suicidal outcome you drink it once again. The venom wears a mask disguised as something from your grandmother’s kitchen when you were very young, when the only pain you ever felt was scraping your knee on the sidewalk.

Eventually sending you tumbling head first into the funnel of hate for yet another round of unworthiness and disgrace. The warm feeling of nana’s kitchen is now being violently ripped from your guts, crackers morph into shards of glass…. And the reality of your biggest defect slaps you in the ears with an open hand stinging you to your knees… You can’t hear the love, you can’t see the light…. You’re a rainbow in the dark