airplane...........

No matter how many times I get on a plane I
never get used to the long
uncomfortable ride.  Its not as bad as it used to be,
I mean fuck.....I remember
when all you had was a giant movie screen in the front
of the plane, and the
only relief besides that was the ability to smoke on
planes....now there are so
many things to make the time go by quicker. T.v's on
the backs of the chairs,

ipods, ipads, nanos, nunos, prunos, junos....
you name it they made it to
distract you from actually having to sit with
a stranger and have a mild
conversation for a few hours...or god forbid
sit with yourself. If you are like
me both of those options are never a very good idea.
So I sit here writing on my
blackberry whilst listening to after the gold rush,
my all time favorite neil
young song....but still, I look at the time
and realize I have the longest hour
and a half of my life ahead of me....
I was so sleep deprived the week I spent in
london that as soon as I got on the plane
I passed out cold and woke up an hour
before we landed in chicago....I couldn't believe it.
I NEVER sleep on planes
ever. I have also never flown business class before...
the seats turn into beds,
they automatically roll you over so the stewardess
can wipe your ass with a warm
wet towel while another blows you from underneath....
business class is the way
to go always on long trips.
I woke up and the stewardess asked me if I wanted a
snack. Of course with a sass mixed with
a little bit of freshly awoken
crankiness I snapped back with "a snack??
Shouldn't you be serving
dinner??"....corey looked at me and said,
"dude...you have been asleep for like
8 hours...you missed both dinners".
I couldn't believe it....I finally slept on
a plane longer than 10 minutes.
Honestly I have a lot of trouble sleeping on
planes because one time I was flying home to
visit the fam and I was sitting
next to this super hot chick...
we were doing the "look...now look away!!"
Thing
to each other for a while untill we took off
and my head rested against the
window. Unfortunately I had stopped at mcdonalds
for breakfast and had 2 egg
mcmuffins, 2 hash browns, a cup of mcdonalds coffee
(which fucking rules by the
way) and a large orange juice....
I figured I'd catch a few zzz's and wake up in
plenty of time to get a number...
the fantasy of getting sex in a tiny bathroom
is always there as well....
hey you never know, much stranger shit has happened
to me. Instead of being woken up by some turbulance
or by the annoying
loudspeaker....I was awoken by quite an
unexpected rumble from my ass.....my
eyes opened and it was like a fucking dream.
I didn't know if it really happened
or not, until I geered my eyes to the right
and saw the lucious young future victim sitting there
with her shirt pulled up over her nose.
Then before
anything else happened I heard the person
in the seat in front of me say
"daaaammmmnnnnn...that's messed up".
I was fucking mortified. Then it finally
wofted its way up from the inside of my shirt
into my nostrils....it smelled
like I had sausage mcmuffins not egg...
it was fucking awful..Needless to say I
didn't get a phone number, and was
stone cold fucking sober.....
so now that I think about it.....
that was the longest hour and a half of my life...
not
this......this is a fucking breeze now that I think
 about it......ok time to strap in. I can see the grated
lights of misery from my window....
and soon the smog will set in just like reality....
dark and coudy with a chance of hope.
I
should have stayed in iowa and waited
for the baby to be born.......and as I sit in amasement
at how many baseball diamonds there are in los angeles, 3 people
sneeze in my general area and it becomes like fucking outbreak...
thank god
we are almost there....
these diseased fucks should learn how
to hold that shit
in for appropriate times like this......