the shame remains the same.......

i was ready to go to sleep three hours ago..i could have easily closed my eyes and fallen asleep in ten minutes, but i thought it would be a better idea to bring a little more shame into my life, like i dont have enough already. awakening the creepy old man in me i scan the porn pages of redtube like the sweaty fat guy standing at the picture wall at the AVN's with his camera waiting to get a shot of his favorite piece of jerk off material, calling her name when he see's her like she's going to run over an kiss him. going back and forth from redtube to facebook, hoping there is a message from a troll with no self respect who will talk to me like i am a piece of garbage long enough for me to use the last of my lotion and wipe it all clean with a dirty pair of underwear in my hamper...the actual mess might be wiped clean...but the painful memory lasts a lifetime and grows stronger as each night ends and the sun begins to rise ..the internet has brought us a world of shame and guilt so pleasurable that it almost feels like we are doing the right thing. there is nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting and like the old saying goes "if you use a condom it never really happened".......like when we talk dirty to people we personally know on the internet, you see them in public and it's almost like it was a dream, and most of the girls i see on a regular basis have no idea how much i defile there pretty little pictures night after night......unfortunately this is my nightmare......so i give it to you, the world..putting it out there to be judged by all...... exploiting myself so there is nothing that can be talked about behind my back...for i have already put it out and the power is now gone....but the shame remains......