enjoying the day....

I can't seem to break my silence today. Sitting at a table with all my friends
and all I can do is thank god I'm wearing sunglasses because I'm so self
loathing I can't even open my mouth, let alone look at someone in the eye....
Looking at everyone and everything in disgust, but its nothing to do with anyone
or anything except what I feel about myself. I am grateful I am not strungout
but that's about it today. I am not happy to be alive, I am not happy to be a
member of the human race, I just want to go home and put my face in a pillow and
sleep this off....AA meetings I go to make me a walking timebomb exploding in
resentment and judgement. I'm so tight in my chest I can't breathe, and I wish I
had the ability right now to start my day over....unfortunately I am very
comfortable in this place...nothing more comforting than being a walking ball of
lust, resentment, fear, and anger....the glass is not half full nor half
empty....it has a hair in it so its useless and just needs to be dumped
out....that way its just a stupid fucking glass